Vision 2025

Copy Link

A sick april fool's joke.

How many years has it been since I wrote Vision 2020 ? 5, precisely. I know the answer. I know everything. I know how to get out of this rut. And every other rut that there ever was. And that ever will be. But I will not do that. Why? I don't really know. I'm just not disciplined; or maybe I'm a masochist. Maybe I like making content out of myself, being a fool. Hey, that's atleast sustaining this blog, right?

What does it take to sustain inspiration?

I know I'm intelligent, I know I'm inquisitive, I have potential, yada yada. I also know I won't amount to anything worthwhile in this life, most probably. I also know the cause. I know I'm not disciplined, I know I have an addictive personality, I know I need action all the time. I can't be idle, and I'll cling to the cheapest form of entertainment my brain can have, so I can turn off and just exist. But then there are times when I'm either trying to sleep, or I'm drunk, or I'm off not doing much, that the devil hits me with the harsh truth. That I could be much more, that I could have been much more, and that I'm rotting away in a void. It's the most frustrating feeling. I know that if I sustain this feeling of insecurity, this feeling of pain and suffering I'm bearing right now can be sustained for a few months, I'll be somewhere at the helm of doing something crazy and worthwhile. But that's the hard reality I'm hit with every now and then. That inspiration won't hit you every second, and that you have to learn to stick to the plan, no matter how shitty you feel on a given day. I have spent the last decade documenting it right here, and failing miserably, and I still won't learn. I guess I have to learn to live with no motive, no pleasure, and no real thought. Just go through the motions, do the right thing for your cause even though you can't really process it this exact second.

A lofty plan

It's tangible, really, what I can be upto, If I just shut my brain for one day and do things the way I'm supposed to do. And it's so hard. I've been gifted this amazing brain, and all I do is misdirect it, and wither away for years. Soon there will not be much left.

Maybe there's still hope, whatever sliver or phantom thread there is of it left; I can cling onto it.

I just need to focus and stay in the game. Put my head here, and sustain it. Maybe just for a few months.