First, for the bad news. I have relapsed again. It was bad; I wasted a full day on addictions and autopilot. I caved in and yielded to the withdrawal. I realised what was happening, and yet chose to let go of control. I feel bad for that, and I think I'm better than that. That being said, the good news: The past few days have been excellent! Not any normal good, but excellent! I have been extremely productive, like never before, atleast the past few years.
On top of things
My mind was racing, I was on top of things, and I had full control. No autopilot. I resisted urges, I showed restraint, and I fought demons. Looking back, it feels great that I was able to do that. In fact, it gives me a kick thinking about that, and I cannot wait to do it all over again, this time with a stronger punch. I was talking about trying to rekindle some of the fire I once had. I think I did just that. I got a load of things done, and not just that. I wasn't trying to do stuff to pass the days, but rather I was the maker of the plans, and I was the executer. I had the big picture in mind, and I followed through with the actual work needed. Work was great, learning was great, and I even started a little side project! I think I can get addicted to being a strategist and an executioner; it's sweet. The past 3-4 days have given me immense hope and strength to do this right.
It sucks that I relapsed by day 5, but this has taught me so much! This time, I'm gonna go against the dragon with knowledge of the past, and a lot more fortitude, and perseverance. I cannot wait to kickstart this again, and be awesome at it. I cannot stop thinking about success, and the future. I cannot wait to persist, execute strats, innovate, excel and disrupt.