2019-09-19

A pledge for truth.

Copy Link

Pursuits.

Alright, I'm going to embarrass myself again, but here we go. I've successfully turned this blog into self-help material now (the self being me, not you, the reader). But let's keep doing that.

Note about self help

I used to believe that it's not worth motivating myself with these little articles because they're never followed up correctly, but lately I've come to realise that what matters is the push, even if it doesn't have a direct impact. Every article pushes me towards the goal, and it's about gaining momentum the right direction till it overpowers the unwanted parts. The journey is about veering and correcting my boat the right direction with all kinds of tiny nudges and tugs, through the storm. So, to know where to direct my boat, I need to ask questions. And then try to answer them, and maybe come up with naive, idealistic plans that even though most probably fail, will still set me up in the zone.

Why am I doing what I'm doing?

Honestly, I don't know. I'm still recovering from a gigantic failure that my Master's was, and found a low paying job. After starting to work, I lost the plot, partly due to the shift of focus towards my father's health, but mostly due to incompetence. I like being carried by the currents, just drifting through the waves, and being caught up in the moment. Foresight has always been an issue for me, and I have recognised that. Right now, I am aware of my foibles.

Where do I wanna be?

Definitely not here. The idea of finding out how we actually work, and the pursuit of mimicking that interests the fuck out of me. More specifically, the study of human brain / Artificial Intelligence. However, I don't know how this interest might translate into contributions even remotely useful in this endeavor. More importantly, I definitely do not have the tools / mental faculty to do that. However, I'm still young, and can definitely amount to something if the right decisions are taken at the right times. And I definitely think it's an idea worth pursuing in the long run.

What do I gotta do?

For starters, I have to be at the command of controls, be fast af. Mind's gotta rush, run and pull. I have wasted away a lot of time, but hey it's never too late. It's time to aspire to be good at stuff, and not be content with mediocrity. Realisation was the first step, and now I've got to make this state of mind a habit. And habit will take care of the niggles, and straighten me out. Technically, I need to be leagues better at programming. And typing, for god's sake. It's been years since I learned how to type, and I still struggle. Coding should be a habit, a natural extension of how I think; it has to be an elegant, structured process of reading, thinking, brain storming, and coding (should be the easy part). I've gotta pull myself out of the zone-outs every time they happen. I gotta stay in the moment, when the action is happening, putting all my efforts into finishing the task at hand impeccably. Gotta get out more often, take lots of breaks / walks. Staying in the same place breeds nothing but banality.